Grief is a deeply personal experience, yet it follows a series of emotional stages that many people go through. The most widely recognized model is the Five Stages of Grief developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. This model helps people make sense of their emotions after a loss. Among these, the stages of denial often serve as a person’s first emotional defense. In this article, we explore all five stages while focusing on the stages of denial and how to move through them.
1. Stages of Denial – The First Reaction to Loss
Denial is often the first of the five stages of grief. It’s a defense mechanism that buffers the initial shock.
What happens during denial: People may refuse to believe the loss is real. Phrases like “This can’t be happening” or “They’re just away for a while” are common.
Purpose of denial: It helps us cope and gives our minds time to absorb the reality slowly. It cushions the blow and allows us to start the healing process at our own pace.
How to move forward: Talk about your feelings. Writing or speaking with someone you trust can bring clarity. Accept small bits of the truth over time.
2. Anger – The Emotional Release
After denial fades, reality hits. That’s when anger often surfaces.
Why anger occurs: It masks the pain of loss. We may direct it toward doctors, family, God, or even the person who passed away.
How to manage anger: Recognize it as a normal part of grief. Try journaling, exercising, or expressing your feelings in safe environments.
Helpful tip: Don’t suppress the emotion. Letting it out in a healthy way can bring emotional relief.
3. Bargaining – The ‘What If’ Stage
In this stage, people start to reflect on what they could have done differently.
Typical thoughts: “If only I had taken them to the hospital sooner” or “What if I had spent more time with them?”
Purpose of bargaining: It offers a sense of control. Our minds try to reverse the loss or avoid the pain.
Healing approach: Accept that no amount of bargaining changes the past. Focus on self-forgiveness and compassion.
4. Depression – The Weight of Reality
When we accept the loss as real, the sadness can feel overwhelming.
Signs of this stage: Sleeping too much or too little, withdrawing from others, and feeling a lack of purpose.
Important to know: This is not a mental illness. It’s a natural part of grieving.
Steps to cope: Allow yourself to grieve. Talk to a counselor or support group. Engage in small daily routines.
Remember: Healing takes time, and sadness is part of that journey.
5. Acceptance – The New Normal
In the final stage, people begin to make peace with the loss.
What it involves: You accept the person is gone and start to live with that reality. It doesn’t mean you’re okay with the loss; it means you’ve found a way to carry it.
Life after acceptance: You may feel more connected to others again, find purpose in daily activities, or celebrate the person’s memory in meaningful ways.
Moving forward: Create new routines. Celebrate small moments. Let the grief reshape you, not define you.
Why the Stages Are Not Linear
Grief doesn’t follow a straight path. You may move back and forth between stages, or skip some entirely.
Key insight: The stages are guideposts, not a checklist. Everyone grieves differently. Comparing your journey to others only adds pressure.
Best advice: Be patient with yourself. Progress may be slow, but every step counts.
Healing Beyond the Stages of Denial
The stages of denial may seem endless at first. But denial serves a purpose—it protects your heart from the full force of pain. As you move through grief, this stage eventually gives way to other emotions that bring healing.
Practical ways to cope:
- Join a grief support group
- Practice mindfulness or meditation
- Honor your loved one through a memory book or tribute
- Seek professional help if you feel stuck
Encouraging thought: Feeling pain means you loved deeply. And with time, love can guide you back to hope.
Get more tips here.
Related: Losing a Partner to Death: How to Overcome Grief and Heal